Hot/Not: One day, NASCAR will get a hold of its yellow-line rule

NASCAR's version of the two-step returned over the weekend at Talladega with a finish more thrilling�(but with less press box clapping) than February's Daytona 500. As always, a weekend at the 2.66-mile central Alabama behemoth leaves us with plenty to discuss. Jumping in:

NOT: I hate to start this with a negative, but the yellow-line rule NASCAR has implemented at restrictor-plate tracks is still far from perfect. As a result, the Twitter hivemind was abuzz Sunday night and some of Monday with fans and media members alike saying Jimmie Johnson's tri-oval pass was illegal.

The contention was that Johnson ? and his pushing teammate Dale Earnhardt Jr. ? had passed Mark Martin and Jeff Gordon by dipping between the yellow line mere yards from the finish line. Replays showed the two Hendrick machines got awful close and probably drove on top of the yellow line. NASCAR, though, ruled that it wasn't a violation of the yellow-line rule and the passes were allowed to stand.

The problem here isn't NASCAR's ruling. Once again, it's NASCAR's unwillingness to be completely transparent about the rule. Therefore, its interpretations of moves on the track leave questions open from many and allow for situations like Sunday's to crop up.

Two things would go a long ways to fixing this. First, a written rulebook ? or at least the in-race rules sections of the rulebook ? should be available to fans. Second, if there's any thought of discrepancy over the finish of a race, a high-ranking NASCAR official should be interviewed in the post-race broadcast to set the record straight.

Right or wrong, at least fans would have an idea what NASCAR was thinking.

HOT: That said, can you seriously rank Sunday's finish behind any in NASCAR history? A slight gust of wind, so it seems, could have made the seventh-place finisher the winner while the winner took seventh. Gladly, I'll put the 2003 Darlington finish between Ricky Craven and Kurt Busch on a very-close-to-level playing field if only because it happened after a grueling day at Darlington.

However, Talladega just might take the cake because of how clean and exacting every driver was in the final laps. I'm still waiting for the caution flag to fly and subsequent green-white-checkered attempts ? but, alas, Jimmie Johnson has the trophy.

NOT: The tandem racing, as Dale Earnhardt Jr. waxed not-so-poetic about Saturday, indeed seems to be running its course of being interesting. At first it was a novelty and proved exciting because of the different style.

Now, Talladega has evolved into the three-hour equivalent of a basketball team holding the ball at halfcourt before trying to win the game in the final minute. This is not to say, however, that reverting to the most recent prior form of drafting is the answer. If you remember, teams were beginning to get savvy by organizing the field into a single-wide freight train. NASCAR's got some work to do.

NEUTRAL: Dave Blaney's performance in Tommy Baldwin Racing's No. 36 Sunday certainly was notable. The sprint car ace led 21 laps ? second only to Clint Bowyer's 38 ? before contact from Kurt Busch left him as the last finishing car on the lead lap.

What wasn't notable, however, was the FOX crew gushing about how Blaney's run was TBR's coming of age as a team. That's a great feel-good story and all, but it's wrong. Instead, Blaney's run proved the two-car drafting style is even more of a wild card for everyone than traditional pack racing ever was.

NOT: Can you believe how lame Auburn's Gene Chizik was in giving the command for drivers to start their engines? For a guy with a supposed fiery football demeanor, that was a total letdown.

NEUTRAL: Joe Nemechek's third-place run in Saturday's Nationwide Series race at Talladega felt like a blast from NEMCO past, when the No. 87 was consistently a frontrunner in Nationwide restrictor plate events. In fact, Nemechek might have won had the race stayed green.

Sunday, though, Nemechek and his teammate Kevin Conway were two of the first three start-and-park finishers. Conway pulled off after a single lap while Nemechek made it five laps before making the hard left turn into the garage.

I get the economics of what Nemechek is doing, but it's still disappointing.

HOT: Speaking of the Nationwide Series race, did you see how damaged that Kyle Busch's winning No. 18 Toyota was? Two-car drafting has seemingly torn down many old beliefs about the aerodynamics required for restrictor-plate racing. Is that a good or bad thing?

NOT: Some felt NASCAR should have allowed the Nationwide race to finish under green after Mike Wallace flipped on the white-flag lap. Can you think of a more ludicrous idea? I can't. Safety is paramount, and a car sitting sideways on the track with more coming behind it at full speed isn't safe.

NOT: I know it's a holiday weekend coming up, but NASCAR really should rethink being off our televisions for two weeks after a Talladega race. When's the last time a Talladega race finished without "SportsCenter" finding more-than-normal interest in a particular moment in it? Sunday's race and the finish put NASCAR early in the broadcast ? much to the chagrin of stick-and-ball types.

Major League Baseball and the NBA both will be in action Sunday; why can't NASCAR be in the weekend mix? You know you'd watch.

Carrie Underwood Rosario Dawson Tricia Helfer Elena Lyons Brooke Burns

DeAngelo Williams is handed a ticket out of Carolina

According to Adam Schefter, the Carolina Panthers have decided not to use their franchise tag on stud running back DeAngelo Williams. Thus, unless they can work out a long-term deal with him, he'll be free to explore unrestricted free agency.

Maybe I'm wrong -- and there's been no indication from Williams that he does or doesn't want to stay -- but given that the Panthers just went 2-14, and Williams has always been locked in a time-split situation with Jonathan Stewart, I'm guessing he's done as a Panther.

"Yes, I would love to be a Carolina Panther" is just not something you hear a ton of these days.

And truthfully, even though they're short on talent, letting Williams walk is probably the right call for Carolina. As good as he is, with two 1,000-yard seasons under his belt, he was hobbled with injuries last year, and his yards-per-carry was down significantly. In his absence, Jonathan Stewart and Mike Goodson performed adequately.

As Schefter says, the move allows the Panthers to lock up either center Ryan Kalil or quarterback-killer Charles Johnson. It's easier to replace a running back than it is to replace either of those gentlemen.

So, it's good news for DeAngelo Williams, and good news for teams that need a running back. Williams should be available, and at the age of 27 (and with limited wear because of the time-sharing), he might have some prime years left.

Jodi Lyn OKeefe Emma Watson Amy Smart Sarah Wynter Jaime Pressly

Mike Weir, and the ugly other side of golf

Last week, a girl friend of mine from Canada commented that a Masters commercial came on north of the border, showing Mike Weir adorning the green jacket. The highlight was from his 2003 win at Augusta National, a moment my friend told me "was one of the few times hockey didn't lead the front of the sports page." A friend of hers, watching golf, simply asked, "Who is that?"

Thus is the downfall of Mike Weir. A guy that always seemed to be in the middle of the fairway and on the right side of the green, Weir's golf game has fallen off so much that he isn't even a fully exempt player on tour anymore. He is 190th or worse in all the important ball-striking categories, and on Thursday at the Valero Texas Open, using a sponsors exemption to play, he shot his seventh straight round of 76 or worse with a 7-over 79.

Currently, Mike Weir is the other side of golf. There are stories about Charl Schwartzel and Adam Scott and Phil Mickelson, and then there are the dark stories about guys like Ian Baker-Finch, David Duval and now, Weir.

There is little to the story other than with golf, the demons can sneak into even the strongest of minds and never leave. We've seen it with pros and their putting, but with Weir, it's his full swing. He just can't hit it anymore, and as much as he tries to get back that magic that won him eight PGA Tour events, it just isn't there right now, and could never return.

Weir will be able to use a few more exemptions to try and earn some extra cash, but my suggestion would be to take the rest of the year off, try to find something that works, and come back in 2012 as a fresh man. Obviously the way he's going about it now is definitely not working, and could scar him forever.

Carrie Underwood Rosario Dawson Tricia Helfer Elena Lyons Brooke Burns

Notre Dame takes the blame for student’s fatal practice fall, clears everyone who works for Notre Dame

It seemed clear in the wake of last month's damning report by the Indiana Occupational Safety and Health Administration that Notre Dame wasn't going to be able to easily deflect responsibility for the death of student videographer Declan Sullivan last October, and to the university's credit, it hasn't tried.

The results of Notre Dame's six-month internal investigation, released Monday morning in a thorough 52-page report, found ? in addition to the six specific violations cited by IOSHA ? that staffers monitoring weather conditions were several hours behind on reported wind speeds on the afternoon Sullivan fell from a hydraulic scissor lift overlooking Irish practice, that his lift was more susceptible to tipping than the other two lifts on hand that day, and that the lift shouldn't have been extended to its full, 40-foot height in winds in excess of 30 mph. (Specifically, the report found that Sullivan's fatal fall was caused by a "sudden and extraordinarily" 53 mph gust.) As he did immediately following the accident, school president Rev. John Jenkins said in an open letter accompanying the report that the university is "collectively responsible" and "failed to keep [Sullivan] safe."

Where the university has accepted institutional blame, however (as well as the regulatory fines that come with it), it�hasn't been able to identify a mistake by any individual employee. From the South Bend Tribune:

The report holds no single person responsible for the accident but concludes, "Several flaws were exposed that need to be acknowledged and addressed. Responsibility for these issues is shared by many individuals."

In an open letter in the report, the Rev. John I. Jenkins, Notre Dame's president, states university officials concluded "no one acted in disregard for safety" in the matter and that he takes personal responsibility for the inadequacy of safety procedures. […]

"In the grief and distress that follows a tragic accident, it is common to seek the individual or individuals responsible and assign blame," Jenkins wrote in his open letter in the report.

"After a thorough and painstaking study in which numerous university personnel were interviewed and external experts consulted, we have reached the conclusion that no one acted in disregard for safety. Each individual involved based his decisions and actions that day on the best information available at the time and in accord with the procedures that were in place," the priest wrote.

That sentiment was echoed by Peter Likins, an engineer and former University of Arizona president, who provided an independent review of the investigation and concluded "the facts here do not support any single individual finding of fault." Executive vice president John Affleck-Graves told reporters, "What we found is that numerous decisions by many people ? made in good faith on that (day) and even over the course of several years ? played a role in the accident." No university employee has faced official discipline.

Most emphatically, that includes head coach Brian Kelly, who has the final call on all practice-related issues but was specifically exonerated by the report because he "did not think the wind was as severe" as it had been the day before ?�when the Irish took practice indoors for the first time all season ?�and hadn't been informed otherwise. According to the report, Kelly depends on three people --�director of football operations Chad Klunder, video coordinator Tim Collins and then-head trainer Jim Russ -- to "inform him if the weather will pose a problem or if any precautions should be taken for player safety." But Collins and Russ had both checked on weather reports multiple times on Oct. 27, the last time less than 10 minutes before the National Weather Service upgraded its data to report winds gusting above the 35-mph limit prescribed by the wind-safety procedure for grounding lifts. In simple illustrated form, from the report:

At that point, they were still concerned enough before practice to initially keep a less experienced videographer off of a lift, and to order at least one of the others to remain at less than full height. But it's hard for anyone to imagine how a random glance at a computer screen on a Wednesday afternoon might show up later as a life-or-death decision.

- - -
Matt Hinton is on Twitter: Follow him @DrSaturday.

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Happy Hour: Is there too much love for Dale Earnhardt Jr.?

Welcome to the latest Happy Hour mailbag! You know how these work: you write us at nascarmail@yahoogroups.com or on Twitter at @jaybusbee, we respond to your messages, everyone goes away with a smile on their face. Today, we're talking Junior, plate hate, teammate team-ups, and more. Away we go!

Last week we got all warm and fuzzy with the Yahoo article about Dale Earnhardt Jr. not dumping Kevin Harvick, and what a "great guy he was." This week it's what a great teammate Junior is. Of course the common denominator in all this is that Dale Jr does not win races…but that won't stop Yahoo from fawning over their meal ticket. How helping Jimmie Johnson (of all people) win a race is a good thing is beyond me. If Jeff Gordon were pushing Johnson he would have left him in turn 3 and gone for the win. Maybe that's why Jeff Gordon is a four-time champ and winner of 80-plus races, and Junior is the most overrated driver in NASCAR history. But what a great guy!

? John Clarke
Los Angeles, CA

When you get a letter like this, it's like getting turned loose in a megastore with a $500 gift card. (Feel free to send one to me anytime.) So many ways to run with this! So, let's begin.

First off, let's be honest: John is right, we do write a lot of articles about Junior here. That's because there's a lot of interest in Junior here. (And I hope John sees the delicious irony in the fact that his critique means that there's yet another Junior story on the site.)

But enough behind-the-scenes stuff. I get a lot of these kinds of emails and comments, and you can tell that the frustration behind them has ratcheted up a level. It's very easy to make fun of a guy who's running 20^th in the points as being a pathetic driver. It's not so easy to make the same argument about a guy who's running 3^rd, and has stacked up more points than all but two of the season's seven winners so far.

And let's dispense with the "Junior could've won" nonsense at Talladega. Once Johnson and Junior made the commitment to run with Johnson in front, the race was over for Junior, just as it was for Harvick and Mark Martin. To switch at that late moment would have sent the two-car team plunging back in the standings, and they'd have been lucky to finish top-10.

No, Junior hasn't won a race, and yes, Talladega was his best shot for awhile. But he's running well, and chances are he's beating your guy. So roll with it.

____________________

Three things come to mind after this pretty good race: NASCAR condones cheating, Jimmie is still a cheater, and Kurt Busch is a dirty-driving SOB just like he always has been. I mean, it's quite evident that Johnson was below the yellow line regardless of NASCAR's ruling/mindset. Jimmy knows he was below it; the race should go to Bowyer. Now for Busch. Dave Blaney should have won the race except for Busch's low-down tactics. I say he should be suspended for at least one race, just like Edwards should have been for his actions with Brad lat year. Yet NASCAR does nothing but a little probation.

?Sheldon "Pup" Schulte
Vandalia, IL

Yeah, the whole "Jimmie went below the line!" business lit up my inbox. Here's the thing: He was clearly ON the line. But according to NASCAR ? and I talked to spokesman Kerry Tharp after the race to clarify this ? the rule is that he has to have his tires BELOW it, AND not be forced down there. The line is IN bounds. (Why is that not written down anywhere? Next question, please.)

And you could make an argument that Martin forced Johnson down. What you can't make a convincing argument for is that he cheated to win this race. NASCAR's already shown that it will throw a penalty that costs Johnson the race ? remember the pit road penalty at Martinsville? ? so let's just cool it with this particular spindly-legged conspiracy theory.

As for Busch? Well, I think it's more that he had trouble pushing than that he's a dirty driver. Remember, these guys got only a few laps of practice on Talladega, as opposed to more than a week at Daytona. Pushing somebody blind is a tricky business, and for Busch, it didn't quite work out.

____________________

What if they made Bristol 1/8-mile, and increase the banking to oh, say, 80 degrees. This is slightly insane!

?Sam Sevr

I find absolutely nothing wrong with this idea whatsoever. Delightful.

____________________

I am outraged that you wouldn't put Jeff Gordon in the top 12 of the Power Rankings. Clearly he had the fastest car out there. Won the pole, played "the game" correctly every second of the race. Laid low in the back of the pack, he raced his race that day, and it was a very smart move. But then you have the likes of Kurt Busch still up there in the #9 spot. What's up with that?� What gives?� Are you a Gordon hater?� Although I do love the blog you have about him, that is funny. And you have JPM up there also. I am at a loss for words right now.

?Jeff G.
A.K.A. ? Cyrus The Great #24

Cyrus is a regular at our Wednesday chats, so I know this letter isn't totally on the level. But it does bring up a point: you people sure love to get insanely, irrationally angry about power rankings. I've given up trying to explain that it's not just based on one week's results. But I will do this for you: a handy clip-and-save complaint to use next week. Fill in your own driver and event accordingly:

Busbee: You idiot. I cannot believe you ranked ___________ below _________ and _________ ! Don't you know that if _[early-season accident/mistake]_ hadn't happened, he'd be in first? Didn't you see __[good performance in most recent race, ignoring bad performances in five prior races]__? Come on! These power rankings are awful and biased, and you should be __[torture recommendation outlawed by the Geneva convention]__.

Don't say I never did nothin' for ya.

___________________

What a waste of time restrictor plate racing is, even moreso now than before, if that's possible. Just tune in for the final 3 laps, and that's it. The rest of the time is spent cruising around waiting for the end. At least the old pack-style racing gave you a reason to watch the whole race. Glad I spent most of the afternoon mowing the lawn. Now, time to get this nasty NASCAR manufactured "racing" aftertaste out of my mouth.

?Eric Campbell

Clint Bowyer said that the ending of the race justified the riding-around beforehand, and I could hear fandom's teeth grinding as he said it. As I noted earlier this week, we've had four finishes decided by a total of less than a second, which is pretty damn impressive, but there have been many, many hours of ride-around racing. So this week's question for you: does an amazing finish offset a dull race?

Last week's question asked you to pick your best two-driver team. Not two-by-two, but a hypothetical situation in which two drivers switched off over the course of the season in one car. Here are a couple of the better ones:

___________________

For my two driver team, I would pick Jeff Gordon and Joey Logano. Both drivers have been good this year, but have either had bad luck (Logano) or junk cars (Gordon, for the most part). We know that it's only a matter of time before Sliced Bread hits his stride, and JG's just gotta get the right setup (See Phoenix).

?Luke
Laramie, WY

____________________

I too like the idea that the team, not the driver, gets the points. It would not penalize a team where the driver is too sick or hurt to perform.�I would think that the second driver could not be from a team that runs every week so here are my 2 driver teams.

48...Johnson and Terry Labonte

22...Busch and Rusty Wallace

18...Busch and Todd Bodine

11 ..Hamlin and Mike Skinner

24...Gordon and Ricky Carmichael

5....Martin and Danica Patrick

88...Earnhardt and Aric Almirola

17...Kenseth and Ricky Stenhouse Jr.

16...Biffle and Justin Allgaier

29...Harvick and Ron Hornaday Jr.

31...Burton and Elliot Sadler

33...Bower and Jason Leffler

14...Stewart and J.J. Yeley

39...Newman and Kevin Lepage

99...Edwards and Joe Nemechek

55...Truex and Ryan Truex

00...Reutimann and Max Papis

How is that for a list??

?Tim Butler
Tracy City, TN

That's a damn good list. I like the Kyle/Bodine and the Biffle/Allgaier duos as the best across-the-board talent. You? Make your case in the comments below.

___________________

Joey Logano use to be called "Sliced Bread." More recently he's been dubbed "Stale Bread." Do you think after taking out one Busch and almost causing the other to get clipped, we should start calling Joey "The Pruner"? His botanical skills seem to outdo his driving ones of late. And by the way, Joey, thanks for giving us Kyle haters an awesome moment to shout about!

?Joyce Keith

"Stale"? Come on, the kid's still only 14 or whatever! Yeah, Logano has been a bit of a disappointment this year, but he'll come around. Taking out teammates may not be the best way to get love from Joe Gibbs, but it certainly sits well with a certain segment of fandom.

And finally, today in spam:

___________________

Dear Sir,

We understand from your information on Internet that you are in the market for
inflatable boats. I would like to take this opportunity to introduce our company
and products, with the hope that we may cooperate in the future.

Yep, cat's out of the bag, folks. Starting tomorrow, Yahoo! NASCAR becomes Yahoo! Inflatable Boats. Don't wear your high heels!

And on that note, we're out. Thanks to all our writers this week. You want in? Fire up the computer and hit us with whatever's on your mind, NASCAR-wise, at nascarmail@yahoogroups.com, find us on Facebook right here, or hit us up on Twitter at @jaybusbee. Make sure to tell us where you're from. We'll make you famous!

Ashley Tisdale Rachel Blanchard Sienna Guillory Tricia Vessey Aki Ross

Mike Leach, former Twitter hater, now swings his sword 140 characters at a time

Waaaaaay back in 2009, if your web-addled brain can remember that far, then-Texas Tech coach Mike Leach once entertained Big 12 reporters with his dyed-in-the-wool technophobia. The first bleeping, blooping distraction on his hit list? Twitter, of course:

It wasn't an act: Less than a month into the subsequent season, the Cap'n issued a team-wide ban on Twitter after a few players used their accounts to vent over the Red Raiders' disappointing start and Leach's failure to show up on time to his own meeting.

That was then. These days, the coach has a little more time on his hands and a new a book on the way, and lo and behold:

Welcome to the jungle, coach. And for a guy with interests as diverse as pirates, relationships, meteorology, acting, cinema, fine cuisine and experimental brain science, we expect a little better than a plug for your radio show.

If you're ever stumped for material, just head on over to @craigjames32's account sometime, and I'm sure you'll be, um … inspired.

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For the record, Leach's account has been verified by ESPN's Bruce Feldman, his co-author in the forthcoming "SWING YOUR SWORD! And Other Tops For Winning."

Matt Hinton is on Twitter: Follow him @DrSaturday.

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Tom Zbikowski would very much enjoy punching Chad Ochocinco

Baltimore Ravens safety Tom Zbikowski is a fighter. Not in the figurative "that guy has a lot of heart and won't give up" sense, but in the literal "that guy punches other people in the face for money" sense.

He has a fight coming up on March 12 in Las Vegas, taking on Richard Bryant on the undercard of the Miguel Cotto vs. Ricardo Mayorga pay-per-view.

Monday on the Dan Patrick Show, Dan asked Zbikowski which NFL player he'd most like to fight. Via Pro Football Talk:

“Ochocinco talks like he can box,” Zbikowski said.

“I’d let it go for about 45 seconds,” Zbikowski said. “I’d let him know what a real jab feels like.”

What say you, Ocho? Are you ready to throw down in fisticuffs? Tweet about it:

@tommyzbikowski you wana go nite nite, you want to box me, for 1 your feet are to slow and you've no hand speed to even be competitive #smh

Boxing is indeed part of Ochocinco's workout routine, so he's not a complete stranger to the boxing ring. He's also very experienced in pretending like he wants to fight people. Shawne Merriman, Solomon Wilcots and Anderson Silva to name a few.

Zbikowski has responded to the response:

Dear Ocho Cinco (I won't call you Johnson cause you only get one name change in my book), thanks for following my career...You and me at M&T Bank Stadium, charity four-round boxing match. You wear Orange and Black and I will wear Purple and black. If we do it in May, that should give you enough time to get ready...You game?

It sounds wonderful, but odds on this actually happening are about 7,000,000-to-1. I guess the chances are improved, though, if a lockout happens and players no longer have to worry about following any league or team rules.

Still, I'd think the most likely thing is for the talk to continue, and for the fight to never, ever even come close to happening.

Willa Ford Desiree Dymond Teri Polo Summer Altice Rose McGowan

04/29 (Draft Hangover) Quickie

Sarah Wynter Jaime Pressly Ashanti Jennie Finch Lisa Snowdon

T.O. diagnoses Bengals entire organization as 'not right'

Terrell Owens, the Bengals leading receiver in 2010, isn't mad at Carson Palmer for wanting out of Cincinnati. In fact, he thinks it says more about the Bengals' shortcomings than Palmer's.

In the NFL Network studio with Solomon Wilcots and Warren Sapp, Owens got honest about the state of the 4-12 Bengals. And yes, if you want to, you can see it as Owens selfishly shoving his team into a woodchipper, but to me, nothing about it feels malicious or me-first. I see only a guy being honest and making a lot of sense.

The highlights:

"If you have your franchise quarterback who is supposed to be that guy for your team [and he's] trying to get out of there, that’s kind of telling the organization something, and that’s telling a lot of people out there something as well."

"Even before I got there, they said the owner was a little different. Obviously, I saw that. You start with the head coach, and then you start with the staff on both sides of the ball."

"Offensively, we really didn’t have the coaching that we really needed to muster what we had on the offensive side of the ball."

In summary, the things holding back the Bengals organization are the two small matters of the front office and the coaches. Anyone want to tell him he's wrong?

Owens will be a free agent this summer, and could end up, just like last summer, scrambling for a job.

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Jered Weaver joins elite company with six wins before May 1

We can probably count Jered Weaver among those glad that the baseball season started a week earlier this year.

Thanks to a dominating 5-0 complete-game win over the Oakland Athletics on Monday, the Los Angeles Angels ace became only the fifth pitcher in baseball history to record six wins before the calendar flipped to May.�MLB.com also notes that Weaver is the first pitcher to be 6-0 by April 25.

As we all know by now, wins aren't the best way to judge a pitcher. But six wins before May 1 put Weaver ? who leads baseball with a 0.99 ERA and 49 strikeouts ? in some good historical company. According to Mark Saxon of ESPN L.A., the other four pitchers with six April wins are Brandon Webb (2008), Randy Johnson ('02, '00), Dave Stewart (1988) and Vida Blue (1971). All but one of those seasons ended with the pitcher recording more than 20 wins (and even then, the 2000 version of Big Unit got to 19).

We should also point out that Weaver is more than just a recipient of good luck through scheduling quirks. Over at Baseball-Reference, Andy points out that only 11 other pitchers since 2001 have started with streaks of six or more wins without recording a loss or a no decision. Weaver himself won his first seven starts in 2006 while Webb is at the top of the list with nine straight wins to start 2008.

If Weaver makes a run at Webb's opening, it's likely we're going to keep hearing a few things. The first would be Weaver's escalating value for when he becomes a free agent after the 2012 season. (Yankees, anyone?)

The second would be his chances of becoming only the third Angels pitcher in history to win the Cy Young, joining Bartolo Colon in 2005 and Dean Chance in 1964.

And the third would be his shot at reaching 30 wins, which would remain a longshot. (When Webb reached 8-0 after eight starts in '08, his odds were still calculated at a miniscule 0.2 percent.)

But if Angels fans want to stay grounded in the here and now with some unbelievable and hopeful numbers, here are some from WiHaloFan at Halos Heaven:

93, 94, 91, 94, 93, 79, 92, 80, 76, 80.

Those numbers would be the speed of each third strike for each of his 10 punchouts, and it's a great sign that he's learning how to handle and harness his arm as the game goes on. At 28 years old, Weaver has clearly become the pitcher we've all been expecting him to be.

Xenia Seeberg The Avatars of Second Life Daniella Alonso Gina Gershon Ehrinn Cummings

Create-a-caption: The Carl Edwards yoga plan is a killer

Now, this photo is going to have limited captionable appeal, but I love it anyway. Have at it, and see what you can come up with.

After the jump, Kyle Busch gives Jimmie Johnson a few lessons on life.

Richard T:
Kyle: Say, Jimmie... you were looking a little loose in that corner.
Jimmie (over phone): Chad, bring the trophy.

Denver:
"If we were driving trucks, I'd have kicked your @ss!!! "

Anthony M:
Can I have your autograph? It's for Kurt, Really it is.

Robert C:
"You want anything from Taco Bell? Dale's making a run."

Gina Gershon Ehrinn Cummings Sienna Miller Cindy Taylor Halle Berry

Red Sox pick up good vibrations over West Coast swing

When the Boston Red Sox got off to their 2-10 start, the volume of the collective caterwauling was only matched by reminders that a corrective win streak was lying somewhere down the road.

Turns out that "somewhere" was just chilling out on the West Coast. After�completing a four-game sweep of the Los Angels Angels on Sunday, the Red Sox have now won eight of their last nine and moved within one game of .500 at 10-11.

Now they'll head back east with five wins in six games against the Angels and A's. They'll also be packing the following positives, presented here in bullet-point form:

? Boston's starters have posted a 7-1 record and 0.88 ERA over their last nine games.

? Daisuke Matsuzaka and John Lackey both rebounded from their early abominations to post impressive starts over this streak. If both question marks can find a comfortable place between "stellar" and "suck," the Red Sox's rotation will be just fine.

? Carl Crawford finally broke through for his first homer in a Red Sox uniform in Sunday's 7-0 win. Dan Lamothe of Red Sox Monster notes that Crawford's homer ... "came in a disciplined at-bat in which he worked the count from 0-2 to 3-2 while fouling off two pitches. He's now 7 for 27 (.259) with two doubles and a homer in his last seven games ? not fantastic, but a positive sign."

Despite their slow start, the Red Sox are now just 3.5 games behind the New York Yankees for first place (though Boston has played four more games) and only half a game behind the Tampa Bay Rays ? who have staged a similar resurrection after early troubles ? for second. And if you take a peek at their schedule, it sets up pretty nicely if the Red Sox want to earn back all those games they gave away early. After a three-game layover in Baltimore starting Tuesday, they'll start an 11-game homestand at Fenway against a trio of offensively challenged teams ? three against the Seattle Mariners, four against the Angels and four against the Minnesota Twins.

If Boston can keep dominating during this two-week stretch, that early start will be permanently relegated to the mere footnote status that many predicted for it all along.

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Five of the most interesting fashion choices from the NFL draft

For a few future NFL players, draft night was more like a hipster prom. New rookies like Nick Fairley and Julio Jones look fashionable in their tailored suits but added ironic accessories that made it seem like they were going to see Vampire Weekend.

Shutdown Corner took a look at some of the best hipster get-ups, plus a few more other fashion faux pas and one glorious sartorial achievment.

Allow me to introduce himself, his name is Humpty, pronounced with an Umpty. He likes to rhyme. Likes his beats funky. He's spunky. He likes his oatmeal lumpy.

The suit is fine and, frankly, goes nicely with the Siants hat. But look a little closer at that shirt. Somewhere, the Brawny man is roaming the wilderness without his flannel shirt.

The secret about the poorly dressed athletes of the current generation is that they aren't poorly dressed at all. Take Patrick Peterson, for example. He shops at Louis Vuitton and Armani. He's the sort of guy who doesn't wear a tux, he wears a tux. This ensemble though? Michael Kors would say it's too matchy-matchy. The striped red tie, the red pocket square, the tie clip, the pressed white collar, the checkered shirt. It's all too much. Twenty years ago, a similar faux pas might have led to a 14-button, triple-breasted, undertaker coat worn by a guy fresh out of high school at the NBA draft. We've evolved since then. Now, the fashion misses have a distinguished air to them and represent a bad choice for one evening, not a bad sense of fashion. These guys will be dressing like Brady and MJD in no time.

Or not. Julio Jones looks like a high-end ice cream man. Or like somebody who lives in Brooklyn and constantly mentions to everybody at the party that he keeps Vegan and doesn't own a TV.

It wasn't all bad at the NFL draft, though. The Amukamara family came on the stage in style after Prince was taken No. 19 by the New York Giants.

Yes! Either "Coming to America" is opening on Broadway or the Amukamaras are representing their home country of Nigeria with some flair. Mom's hat stole the show. There's a good chance Al Davis may draft it in the later rounds.

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Video: Swedish goalie gaffe gives Petteri Nokelainen easy goal

From the Czech Hockey Games, a tune-up for the IIHF World Championships, here is Sweden's goalie not exactly being helpful to his defense. Although we're pretty sure former Boston Bruins and Anaheim Ducks forward Petteri Nokelainen didn't mind after turning this gaffe into a shorthanded goal:

You know, we've always found that goaltending bloopers are really enhanced by the presence of jaunty electropop.

The keeper who bungled this play is Viktor Fasth, a 28-year-old who plays for AIK and has gotten a look from the Edmonton Oilers, seeking to follow in the grand tradition of Tommy Salo (after, you know, following in the grand tradition of Tommy Salo).

From Sports Expressen (translated), Fasth on the goal: "It's [poop] that happens and unfortunately it happens today." That's going on our fridge.

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Former NHL enforcer is trying MMA in June

On skates, Donald Brashear could always fight with the best of them.

Can he do it bare-footed and against trained professional fighters? Brashear wants to find out.

According to the Canadian Press, the former NHL henchman, who's still playing hockey in the minors, has signed a deal with Ringside MMA to fight in June in Quebec City.

"Despite Brashear's lack of experience in MMA, he's a very athletic guy, he's in good shape, he's gutsy, he's learning pretty fast and showed an early interest and motivation," a Ringside MMA spokeswoman said. "Plus, he's no stranger to fighting."

Keep in mind, Brashear is also 39 years old. The 6-foot-3, 237-pounder will have to get approval from local authories before he steps into the cage.

Brashear may want to look at MMA sparring videos with another former NHL player George Laraque. Sure he was facing one of the best in the world, but Laraque was schooled a few months ago by Georges St-Pierre.

We're guessing the biggest test for Brashear will be conditioning and avoiding the potential adrenaline dump that happens in fighting. Baltimore Ravens safety Tom Zbikowski, who's crossed over to professional boxing, said fighting is unlike any conventional sport.

"You have to control it in boxing, because in football maybe that first series you get real excited. The warm up in boxing is far, far more important than in football," Zbikowski told ESPN1100 in Las Vegas.

During his 17-year career, Brashear piled up 2,634 penalty minutes in 1,025 NHL games.

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Throwing Pains: Joe Mauer’s return date remains open

Welcome to Throwing Pains, your weekly run to the hot corner hospital to see what the Rx roll call looks like. I am not a doctor and I won't even play one on the web. Nope, it's up to the players to get hurt and for me to give them my wildly unprofessional diagnoses based on a semester of high school anatomy and a cursory knowledge of how to search the WebMD website.

�

To the DL!

Joe Mauer, Minnesota Twins: John Shipley of the Pioneer Press caught up with the Twins star who hasn't played a game in over two weeks due to weakness in his legs. Mauer's knees were already tired in spring training and the flu he caught once the season started that caused him to lose 15 pounds only made his condition worse. With the illness kicked and his appetite returned (walleye-on-a-stick, anyone?), Mauer has only recently begun working out again, mostly training in the team pool.

Diagnosis: Wear your swimmies, Joe, because the state of Minnesota can't afford to lose you.�The team has also lost offensive weapons Delmon Young and Jim Thome to ouchies. There is no timetable for Mauer to return to the team and, with the team holding the worst record in the American League, it might be too late for him to help once he does.

Phil Hughes, New York Yankees: The words "thoracic outlet syndrome" both mystify and strike fear into a baseball fan. It's a condition that sounds just as bad as it probably feels. The young Yankees pitcher might be the latest victim of the disorder that compresses the nerves in your arm due to repetitive motions. You know, like pitching.

What was initially diagnosed as a dead arm could turn out to be far more serious and not only affect Hughes' 2011 season, but his entire career.

Diagnosis: If Hughes does indeed have thoracic outlet syndrome, he'll undergo surgery and join a small group of current and former pitchers like Aaron Cook, Kenny Rogers and Jeremy Bonderman. Cook and Rogers both bounced back from surgery and had All Star game appearances. Bonderman, however, had the surgery in 2008, returned briefly in 2010, but is currently out of baseball.

Joe Blanton, Philadelphia Phillies: Whew! It's a good thing Ruben Amaro stockpiled his team with starting pitchers because they've been dropping like flies the past week. With Roy Oswalt off to Mississippi to be with his family after the devastating storms that ripped through the South this week, the Phillies rotation is now two men down after Blanton hit the DL with a "right medial impingement," or what I call a wonky elbow. Last year, Blanton missed a few weeks with an oblique injury, which was poor timing since I'm positive that 2011 is the "Year of the Oblique."

Diagnosis: The long-term outlook for Blanton is bright! Even if he stumbles out of the gate when returning from this injury, he has all year to make adjustments. The Phillies pitching staff, however, is a veritable M*A*S*H unit, with three bullpen members already on the DL.

Erick Almonte, Milwaukee Brewers: He's merely a utility infielder, but Erick Almonte will go down in historical footnotes as the first MLBer to be placed on the seven-day DL for concussion symptoms. Almonte, who was hit smack in the forehead by an errant Craig Counsell throw during batting practice, was diagnosed with a Grade 1 concussion and sent home to sleep under supervision. Yeeouch, Counsell's his teammate! Friendly fire!

Diagnosis: Pity Erick Almonte! He'll probably recover quickly and hopefully won't suffer any symptoms past a week but can you imagine trying to sleep under supervision? Does that mean a doctor was hovering over his bed all night long? Creepy!

Neftali Feliz, Texas Rangers: Feliz heads to the 15-day DL with inflammation in the rotator cuff, a shoulder injury that could spell danger for a young pitcher. Rangers GM Jon Daniels headed off some criticism at the pass by saying he does not believe this injury is related to Feliz's spring training audition as a starting pitcher.

Diagnosis: With Omar Beltre, Mason Tobin and Darren O'Day already on the DL, the Rangers bullpen is thinning out quicker than Joe Buck's hairline.

Scott Rolen, Cincinnati Reds: The veteran third baseman has made enough visits to the disabled list in his career that he has hospital beds reserved for him in nearly every major league city. This time, Rolen strained his left shoulder, the same place he tore a labrum in 2005 while with the St. Louis Cardinals that caused him to miss most of the year. Unfortunately for Dusty Baker's Reds, Rolen's backup Juan Francisco is also on the DL right now. Maybe Juan and Scott can commiserate over some Skyline chili?

Diagnosis: After Rolen recovered from his labrum surgery six years ago, he returned the following season to win the NL Comeback Player of the Year Award. Perhaps these couple weeks off will do him some good.

Angel Pagan, New York Mets: The Mets center fielder hasn't played since Thursday when he went down with an abdominal injury. But worry not, Mets fans! Oft-injured Jason Bay came back the same night and the team hasn't lost since. As for Pagan, he's been struck down with a strained left oblique muscle and is biding his time on the DL, just hoping that Carlos Beltran doesn't steal back the center fielding job.

Diagnosis: Rosy! Pagan strained the same muscle last year and despite what the Daily News says about oblique injuries being linked to Creatine use, he should recover quickly. Just lay off the supplements, Angel.

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2011 Tourney: Final Four Live Chat

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My Bracket (2011)

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Today might be the weirdest day in NFL history

Because Judge Nelson said they could, a lot of players around the National Football League are showing up to work this morning.

What they're doing when they get there, I couldn't tell you. No one thought to make a plan for that. �I imagine it's a lot like one of those days at school where something weird happens, like, I don't know, a gas leak or an rabid opossum loose in the building, and then the teachers decide to just throw all the kids in the gymnasium where they'll play tic-tac-toe all day because no one has any idea what to do with them.

Charlie Batch and Ryan Clark showed up to Steelers team facilities and found the doors still locked, but were eventually let in. A couple of Redskins showed up for work, too, and were allowed in the building, but then left after a few minutes. A handful of Jets showed up to team facilities, but were told they wouldn't have access to the weight room or other training facilities.

Jets tackle D'Brickashaw Ferguson says his appearance should count towards his scheduled $750,000 workout bonus.

"Oh, most definitely," he said. "I made every opportunity to avail myself to work out. But at this time I wasn't afforded that opportunity."

The players got an e-mail from the NFL Players Association last night, telling them they had a legal right to show up for work.

"Be advised any player going to work tomorrow is doing so under the ruling that Judge Nelson rendered today," the e-mail read. "Judge Nelson's court order prevents the clubs from locking out players under contract, so they can show up for work. Unless and until the judge issues an order for a stay (delay of the injunction), the teams will be in violation of Judge Nelson's order if they don't allow access."

So if a player, like Ferguson, was scheduled to receive a workout bonus this offseason, it would behoove him to get to team facilities, so if it comes up later, no one can withhold a bonus by saying, "Hey, we were open for business, but you weren't here."

The NFL is trying to get a stay on the decision, but they don't have it yet, and from what I can tell, we won't know if they'll get that for at least a day.

It's still hard to tell what will happen, what anything means, or when football will be truly be back in business. It's open for today, though, so ... yay?

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NHL Masterton Trophy Finalists: Emery vs. Langkow vs. Laperriere

Arguing why one player "deserves" the Bill Masterton Memorial Trophy over another is a little squirmy, because it's essentially a contrast in hardships.

Does a disease trump a concussion? Is a personal tragedy a more formidable obstacle than a hockey-related injury? It's like arguing over which worthy charity most deserves your dollars, and we don't even get to put a magnetic ribbon on our cars after it's over.

Goaltender Ray Emery of the Anaheim Ducks, forward Daymond Langkow of the Calgary Flames and forward Ian Laperriere of the Philadelphia Flyers are the three finalists for the 2010-11 Bill Masterton Memorial Trophy, which is awarded "to the player who best exemplifies the qualities of perseverance, sportsmanship and dedication to hockey."

The Professional Hockey Writers Association nominates 30 players, one from each team chapter, and then votes on three finalists. A $2,500 grant from the Professional Hockey Writers' Association (PHWA) is awarded annually to the Bill Masterton Scholarship Fund, based in Bloomington, Minn., in the name of the Masterton Trophy winner.

Here's our take on the original group of candidates, and the top five most deserving.

The trio up for the award offers its own tales of harrowing hardships and triumphs over adversities; who wins the 2010-11 Masterton?

�

Why Ray Emery Deserves the Masterton

From the NHL:

Ray Emery battled back from a career-threatening injury to reach the NHL and played a major part in the Ducks' successful push for a playoff spot. Emery underwent a complicated bone-graft surgery last April to repair a deteriorated ball joint in his right hip, the result of a disease called avascular necrosis which interrupts blood flow to the area and causes cells to die. After months of rehabilitation he signed with Anaheim as a free agent on Feb. 7 and went 7-2-0 with a 2.28 goals-against average and .926 save percentage in 10 NHL regular-season appearances.

Emery's story goes well beyond the injury of course: The fact that he blew his chance with the Ottawa Senators, was exiled in Russia, earned a job with the Flyers and then went through injury hell makes his a compelling narrative. There are still those who�simply don't like Emery no matter how he's reformed his life; but there are others who look beyond past foibles to accept how impressive this comeback is.

Why Daymond Langkow Deserves the Masterton

From the NHL:

On more then one occasion, it appeared Daymond Langkow's NHL career was over. After suffering a serious neck injury on March 21, 2010 against Minnesota, Langkow was twice forced to stop working out in the hopes of return. He made a third attempt and finally the recurring problems subsided. More than a year after being hit on the spine by a puck and suffering a fractured vertebra, Langkow made the comeback complete on April 1 when he laced up for his 1,014th NHL game and recorded an assist and +2 rating in the Flames' 3-2 win at St. Louis.

Again, the visuals speak much louder:

Ouch indeed. He willed his way back to the NHL, and fought through incredible setbacks and long odds to make it happen. He's a fan favorite in Calgary as well. Deserving candidate, and it's more than a little miraculous that he made it back.

Why Ian Laperriere Deserves the Masterton

From the NHL:

Ian Laperriere sustained a severe injury during the 2010 Stanley Cup Playoffs when he blocked a shot with his face against New Jersey and suffered a concussion and fractured orbital bone. He returned a little more than a month later to finish the Flyers' playoff run that ended two games short of a championship. Laperriere attempted to return in training camp, but could not overcome his concussion-related symptoms and has been on the long-term injury list all season. Nevertheless, he has served the Flyers in several capacities, particularly as a mentor for young players in the organization.

As we said in handicapping the field, he's a tricky candidate. No question he's made of the sort of stern stuff that the Masterton is intended to celebrate. But should this award go to someone that actually played in 2011?

The counterargument: The award is given "to the player who best exemplifies the qualities of perseverance, sportsmanship and dedication to hockey." He didn't play, but he is a player; and there's no question that what he did while out with that injury fits the criteria.

Prediction

Emery. His injury was so rare, and his rehabilitation so impressive, that we expect him to win.

Our Ballot

Ray Emery, Anaheim Ducks
Pierre-Marc Bouchard, Minnesota Wild
Ian Lapperiere, Philadelphia Flyers

Langkow is completely worthy, but we felt Bouchard was another player that persevered through a prolonged rehab filled with setbacks, false hopes and, finally, overcoming the odds to be a solid contributor to the Wild. But we also felt he was symbolic of the concussion issue in the NHL, too. If these things can have a snub, he's a snub.

In the end, Emery's tale is the stuff of Lifetime Original Movies. Which means it's the stuff of the Masterton.

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Gene Chizik vouches for Cam Newton, and the complexity of Auburn’s offense

If you want the cool, detailed, brainy analysis on Cam Newton's transition from a "one-read" offense to the NFL, check out Smart Football's take on the reads and progressions Newton was asked to make at Auburn, or maybe to one of those draft guides cluttering up the newsstands lately. For the fiery, emotional version, look no further than Newton's coach, Gene Chizik, who informed CBS Sports' Dennis Dodd and all the haters out there that his star player is 100 percent quarterback, man:

"Cam is one of those competitive guys," [Chizik] said recently. "… NFL stuff, I'll make this really clear: Somebody's going to take him really high and have a great player. Don't let that other stuff in between fool you."
[…]
"I've heard different people talk about the quarterback in this spread system," Chizik said. "I would just like somebody to define to me what they consider to be a spread. What I hear are a lot people talking out of both sides of their mouths that aren't really sure what a spread is.

"Is a spread based on five wideouts, four wideouts? Is it a spread based on tempo of the offense? Our offense, it's a power, counter, inside zone, two-back, play-action team. If that's what we're considering a spread, more power to them. He [Newton] had the exact same reads in our offense that he will in the NFL."

I'm going to guess he doesn't really mean "exact," exactly (note that Chizik has never played or coached in the NFL or any other professional league),� and that Gus Malzahn is readying a public statement, just in case. With a little more than a week to go until the first round, though, it's looking less and less like Newton needs the backup.

The general consensus since the start of the month seems to have shifted from the curious Blaine Gabbert love fest that dominated the draft conversation in March to a reluctant acceptance that Newton's potential is too much for the Carolina Panthers to pass up with the No. 1 pick: The vast majority of mock drafts from all corners of the web have consistently broken for Newton over the last three weeks, and the ones that don't have tended to cite vague "character issues," not his single year as a starter in a shotgun-based, screen and misdirection-heavy passing game that relied on his threat as a runner to an extent most of the NFL has almost adamantly refused to copy for other athletic passers. (Michael� Vick in Philadelphia being a notable exception.) Unless something truly bizarre happens over the next nine days, there seem to be very few people left who think Newton somehow won't end up in Carolina.

But it never hurts to have a little strongly-worded hyperbole in your corner.

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Matt Hinton is on Twitter: Follow him @DrSaturday.

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What ESPN was offering the NHL before NBC megadeal

The ink's dried on the NHL's $2 billion, 10-year deal with NBC, and the general opinion from pundits is that it's a winner. It may even be as far-reaching as to influence the NHL to return to the Olympics for the 2014 Sochi Games, should NBC win the bid.

There's still a segment of fans and media, despite compelling arguments to the contrary, that believe ESPN would have been the better destination for the NHL's U.S. television contract.

John Ourand of Sports Business Journal had a piece this week that detailed the NHL's negotiating process with NBC, ESPN, Turner and FOX. In it, we get some interesting details on what the WWL was offering the League as a television partner. Here's Ourand, writing about Gary Bettman and Comcast's Brian Roberts:

Though the two are friends, Bettman had a tough message to deliver: Days earlier, ESPN told the league that it would make an aggressive bid on the NHL's media package. Bettman told Roberts that ESPN's planned bid of $160 million to $170 million per year would test NBC's and Versus' right-to-match clause, which several media executives described as the tightest such clause they had ever seen. The clause gave NBC the right to match any deal the NHL signed with another network.

But it would be hard for NBC to match ESPN's planned offer. ESPN told the NHL that it would televise every Stanley Cup playoff game nationally. ESPN said that it would stream the games to authenticated broadband and mobile users. And ESPN guaranteed an international component as part of its planned offer. ESPN's deal would include a regular-season Game of the Week, but it was not making the broadcast network ABC available. The details were new for Roberts, who did not want to lose the NHL. In early discussions with the league, the NBC Sports Group had resisted the idea of televising every Stanley Cup playoff game nationally. And Comcast could not match ESPN's streaming plans or international offerings.

Comcast/NBC's reaction? The deal that was eventually agreed upon that gave the NHL 100 broadcasting "windows" on NBC and whatever VERSUS will become and a nationally televised game the day after Thanksgiving.

SBJ reports that the NHL never went back to ESPN for a counteroffer, nor did ESPN ever submit a formal proposal.

Again, there were virtues to hitching the wagon to ESPN: There's no question the post-lockout product on the ice, the current crop of stars and the growing audience all position the NHL to be more palatable to the ESPN marketing machine than in their previous contract. It's still a network that drives the conversation for a large segment of fans that aren't (yet) watching hockey.

But it's clear that for what the NHL wanted out of this network contract, NBC was able to provide it ? if not the ESPN casual fan seal of approval.

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Bob Hope Classic gets a total makeover, thankfully

There are plenty of elements of the golf world that are still around because they're still around. Know what I mean? It's done this way because it's always been done this way. The Bob Hope Classic, a mutated five-day pro-am tournament, is Exhibit A. Five days, four golf courses, amateurs in your pairing every day ... yeah, you can see why most of the big-name pros steer way clear of the event, regardless of its namesake's golf pedigree.

Now, though, the tournament is getting a makeover, a new sponsor (Humana) and a new leading figure (President Bill Clinton), and it might just be a little more appealing. The course will now run for the standard four days, and will cover three courses. The amateurs will still be present, 144 of them to complement the 144 pros.

The idea, tournament officials say, is to help strengthen the field. Nothing against the Hope -- well, that's not totally true, but still -- the last three years have seen three tour pros, Jhonattan Vegas, Bill Haas and Pat Perez, notch their first tour win at the tournament.

In addition, the pros will now get a fellow pro in their foursome each day; two pros and two amateurs will play each round. The amateurs will be out the door in the final round.

Now, there's certainly an important rationale to letting in amateurs: Hollywood celebs aside, if you bring in the president of a corporation with sponsor dollars to spend, said president may be more likely to open the wallet. Still, that doesn't make for much interesting viewing for the rest of us, especially with most of the marquee names taking the week off.

Still to be decided: the tournament's exact name and the courses that will be used, as well as the broadcast network. But that can be worked out. The first step to bringing this beast under control has already been taken.

New format, sponsor for Bob Hope Classic have pros impressed [MyDesert]

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A violent turn in the saga of Harvey Updyke, Iron Bowl tree poisoner

In legal justice news, infamous Alabama fan Harvey Updyke waived his preliminary hearing today in Lee County District Court on felony charges for allegedly poisoning a pair of landmark oak trees on Auburn's campus after the Crimson Tide blew a 24-0 lead in an eventual 28-27 Auburn win last November. Updyke appeared "very remorseful," and the judge agreed to amend his bond to allow him to travel to Louisiana to live with relatives. Afterwards, he chatted with reporters outside the courtroom (right, looking on with his lawyer, Glennon Threatt) about his earliest experience with Alabama football and naming his children "Crimson Tyde" and "Bear."

In illegal, vigilante news, Updyke was reportedly attacked a few minutes after the hearing at a nearby gas station*, according to Threatt, who called Birmingham-based radio host/oracle Paul Finebaum during Finebaum's daily show to report that Updyke was being treated for "facial bruises and a split on his brow" at a local emergency room and released.

"Somewhere right outside of Opelika, Harvey stopped at a gas station to get a drink and some gas and when he got out of his car, it went black." Threatt said. "He woke up on the ground. He'd been hit in the head with something. So he wandered into the gas station, in pain, and they directed him to a local emergency room. He responded to that emergency room." Updyke didn't require stitches, according to Threatt, but may have "a slight concussion." (Listen to Threatt's call here.) He also claimed that the alleged attacker called a Montgomery television station to report (falsely) that Updyke had been stabbed.

An Opelika police captain told the Opelika Daily News that Updyke's injuries were "minor" and could result in misdemeanor charges following an investigation, but added that Updyke couldn't identify or describe the assailant and the gas station didn't have video surveillance in the parking lot: "[Updyke] has not really been too cooperative at this point."

The fact that Threatt actually had to say, on the air, "I had nothing to do with my client getting attacked at a gas station" should raise your cynicism meter to the appropriate level re: the veracity of his and/or his client's account. On the other hand, the Updyke Affair — a story that has served as the distilled essence of a century of symbolic malice between instate rivals from the second it broke back in February —�has more than proven itself as precisely the kind of soapy, real-life theater in which anything seems possible.

Is it conceivable that Harvey Updyke was attacked by an outraged Auburn fan seeking vigilante justice? So conceivable that someone probably should have seen it coming. Is it conceivable that he was attacked by an enraged Alabama fan, for casting a black mark across all of Tide-dom? Or hoping to somehow pin it on an enraged Auburn fan to "settle the score" in terms of public embarrassment? I just conceived it. Is it conceivable that the "attack" was somehow staged to cast Updyke, universally vilified as he was after his arrest, as a sympathetic figure? Well, see above. In Crazy Town, every dot connects.

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*The gas station? A Tiger Express, naturally. This is not a joke.

Matt Hinton is on Twitter: Follow him @DrSaturday.

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