We knew that Big League Stew readers were gifted visual manipulators because of the strong entries sent in for the Kevin Youkilis "Triple Jump" Photoshop contest.
But not until we asked Stewies to compose haiku based on an amusing photo of Philadelphia's urbanely legendary 'Dumpster Hippie' ? first published at The Fightins ? did we realize what a bunch of poets y'all are, too.
Well, our contest panel has completed judging a strong class of finalists, which was whittled down from the many entries we received via email. And, after awarding 10 points for a first-place vote, five for second and one for third, a list of winners is ready to be revealed! Can you stand it?
HONORABLE MENTION I (one point) ? Josh Dreyfuss
What are you doing?
You aren't Oscar the Grouch.
You don't belong there.
Simply mentioning the famous garbage dweller from "Sesame Street" was enough to get Josh noticed by the panel of judges. What about the next "honorable" haiku? And who won themselves a Fightins T-shirt? Find out below:
HONORABLE MENTION II (one point) ? Fred Koniecki
Who's that bearded man
Eating from the ballpark cans
Maybe Jayson Werth?
As someone in The Fightins comment section also mentioned, the dumpster man looks a bit like former Phillie strongman Jayson Werth. If Fred had, perhaps, gone with Eric Bruntlett ? another infamous beard of Philly's past, he might have scored a bit higher.
HONORABLE MENTION III (one point) ? Rob Bobowitz
Oh poor Jayson Werth,
One team's trash is another's
National treasure
Good job by Rob Bobowitz (sounds like a pen name to me) by marrying a Werth reference to his new team (the Nationals) along with a "trash/treasure" analogy. Workman-like.
FIFTH PLACE TIE (five points) ? Joey Jones
Oh, dumpster hippie
There's no need to hide in fear
John Kruk says he's full
It's a cheap shot at Kruk (who's lost a little weight) but cheap shots are also funny.
FIFTH PLACE TIE (five points) ? Pat Fisher
Dumpster Hippie, the
only living survivor
of the Vet collapse.
Aww, Veteran's Stadium. It makes you want to hear more about the origins of this mysterious bearded trash man. And "living survivor" indicates a whole strain of Dumpster Hippies that must have ruled in the shadows of the old Vet ? like Morlocks! ? after it was imploded in 2004.
And now, onto our prize-winning entries. The T-shirt-quality stuff:
THIRD PLACE TIE� (11 points) ? Christopher Gumulya
Man in a trash can
Anywhere else this is weird
In Philly? Normal
Ain't it the truth? Chris' vision received one first-place vote, by the way. He gets a Fightins T-shirt!
THIRD PLACE TIE (11 points) ? Leanne Rohrbach
Bearded blond wolfman
Glad to be amongst rubbish
Like Werth in DC
Don't be sexist ? women write poetry too. Leanne ties in Werth, but her descriptive "Bearded blond wolfman" grabs you right away. And her insistence that Werth must be "glad" to be in DC ? so the heck with him ? is very Philly. She gets a Fightins T-shirt!
SECOND PLACE (20 points) ? Brian Kist
Is this Brooklyn? No,
it's Philadelphia, where
they boo the refuse.
Rob Iracane notes that Brian hilariously manages to "poke fun at Brooklyn AND Philly in 17 syllables." I'd like someone, someday, to go in depth to contrast the qualities of the Brooklyn dumpster dweller against those from Philly, like a doctoral student might in his or her graduate thesis. He gets a Fightins T-shirt, too!
FIRST PLACE (25 points) ? Wendy Thurm of hangingsliders.com
Chase Utley rehab
Squats in trash, incognito
Knee strength and cheesesteaks
Like the referee said at the end of "Karate Kid" about Daniel LaRusso: "Winner!" And, as Jeff Passan noted: "Women rule haiku."
No disheveled Werth is mentioned, nor a hungry Kruk, and no bearded Bruntlett. Yet, Wendy goes outside the can in presenting the image of a disguised Chase Utley getting healthy inside of the trash. She also names a very Philly-specific meal he can consume (if he doesn't mind sloppy seconds) while getting his workout on. Wendy gets a Fightins T-shirt most of all!
Thanks for participating, folks! Any comments or complaints, you know where to send them (bigleaguestew@yahoo.com).
Follow Dave on Twitter ?�@AnswerDave ? and engage�the Stew on Facebook
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